No way to win?
I just read an interesting story on new research on parenting dynamics.  http://www.livescience.com/culture/super-moms-parenting-100318.html
My executive summary: When mothers feel that their partners are very competent caregivers, the more time that the partner cares for the children the less self-confident the mother feels.  If  the mother judges the partner to be incompetent, their evaluations of themselves do not change regardless of the time that the partner spends taking on these tasks.
So much of our social construction of a "good" mother still involves caring for the children, the home, and the spouse all of the time, regardless of other obligations, working status, etc..  So while mothers today may want to or need to have partners who actively take on these duties, when they actually do - and do it well- these women may feel less confident and secure in their own abilities and worth. 
A lovely catch 22.  As a friend observed when I shared this with her, the bizarre conclusion is that the "best" (ha!) scenario here would be to have a partner who reallly, really tries to help out a lot but does a crappy job of it.  Fabulous.