'Cause every little thing is gonna be allright....

A strange thing happened this afternoon... all of the sudden, I started to feel better.
Not physically- I have been fighting the flu and a fever that ranges from 100 to 102 since Monday. I have not really slept or eaten much for a week, and I feel a little like a zombie.  A zombie with a runny nose, painful cough, and all sorts of crud in my chest.  I did manage to eat three small meals today, which seems positive- and I sure do have my fingers crossed for a night of actual sleep.
Emotionally, however, I am suddenly feeling much better.  We have chosen our daycare- Downtown Childrens Center, http://www.dccstl.org/- (don't you laugh at my link, Jen- people want to know this stuff!).  It is a bright, cheerful place with small classes (numbers, I mean, the spaces are really big and open), a good program, and a curiously happy group of kids and staff.  The four year old class will be a great, challenging place for Mariel, and the toddler room is the first of its sort that I've seen that I would actually enjoy dropping Noella off at.  She will need to move to one nap a day- on a cot!- but I think she is ready for it.
I got a bunch of grading done today, cooked dinner (I have not done that for a week), and we've even got laundry in.  Mariel and I even started talking about her all princess tea party birthday plans.   I think having chosen our next place is a huge relief for Patrick and I, and I do think it will be good fit for our kids.
I am struggling a little with the fact that I just found out that Mariel had been acting out a lot during the day, with behaviors that I have never seen before.  After a day and a half of getting opinions and advice from friends, family, medical and educational contacts and driving myself crazy trying to figure out how this happened (the classic parent "how could my kid act like this?"), I am actually starting to believe what everyone is telling me.  While certainly not desirable or appropriate, acting out like she has is been is far from abnormal.  So I am not scheduling a visit with a child psychologist yet (me?  overreact?  never!).  The gist of the advice: with clear, explicit rules and immediate and consistent consequences and good communication with her new preschool this should not be an ongoing issue.  Parents of assertive, strong willed kids out there, take note.  I hope these teachers are ready for me at my intro meeting with them tomorrow!
I guess I also feel a bit of sadness- I am also hearing that these behaviors are often a result of feeling insecure, powerless, or seeking more attention.  So, as a mom, I feel so sad that my child was in even the tiniest bit of emotional distress of some sort and I did not know when I could have at least tried to help her.  Isn't this supposed to be part of the mother's intuition thing?  I know that this is part of parenthood, that this is a miniscule drop in the bucket of problems and stress and guilt compared to what I have ahead of me (I do remember being a teenager, Mom, I do), but oh, to know that your baby was hurting and you didn't fix it?  I guess I didn't think I would already feel like this when she was only 3! 

I do have something to add to previous post- I just got word that my Grandmother, Frances, was taken to the hospital.  We still don't have too much information on why- my mom thought she fell- but please add her to your prayers.  Actually, depending on her mood, it might be good to add her doctors and nurses to your prayers, too.

Just pray.
They say that prayer works; I have seen studies that show some degree of difference in medical recoveries when patients are being prayed for.  I don't know if I always believe this, but it cannot hurt.  So pray for Mariel's friend Ari, in the hospital for treatment for Neuroblastoma, a particularly virulent pediatric cancer.  She was diagnosed over the summer, and turned 4 last week. Pray for a friend from Virginia, whose unborn baby was just diagnosed with a rare and potentially dangerous infection.  Pray that these children and their families grow and thrive and have to face situations such as choosing the right preschool.  I am.