Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Noella- 9 months
Noella is still a big girl- 20 lbs (90th percentile) and 29 inches (75th percentile).  One and  a half teeth (on the bottom).  Crawling all over, cruising while standing, putting everything in her mouth.  She now knows the word "no" (and, as my mom asked, can distinguish between the "No" sound as part of "Noella" and as part of "NO NO"), although she doesn't really like it.  She does put on a very funny pout in response, though.  She LOVES eating, particularly anything she is allowed to feed herself.  Also cups of all sorts.  In other words, she is right on track. 
I would take a picture but 1) she won't stay still (unless, perhaps, she is chewing on something forbidden, like a camera or cell phone) and 2) Patrick too my camera to Kansas City.  So my attempt at a picture may come soon.

Monday, September 21, 2009

Can we start over?
Day One of having our nanny come without her son.  Its been an intense (and stressful, and exhausting) month as his behavior deteriorates into more severe autistic tendencies.  Mariel's crayon colored carpet incident was a relatively benign example, but it was become clear that his very constant and immediate needs were really interfering with her ability to take care of, supervise, and be fully attentive to my kids.  So he is going elswehere for now, and after he turns three will be in more intensive therapies.
This has not been what any of us thought we were getting into.  So she and I talked this morning, at great length, about what I have been unhappy with and what I am hoping to see.  We both seem to agree that about 90% of my concerns relate to his presence and how her attention has been compromised more and more. I guess we have a starting point, an idea of what I don't think was going right.  Now we have a new situation, and are figuring out what to work in order for to feel good, confident, and fully comfortable.
It is such a strange experience, trusting your children to someone else.  You are never (or at least I have never met anyone who is) completely happy with everything.  And you don't want to be too over the top controlling, even if you would rather do everything yourself, your way.  So maybe I let too much go unsaid- and after today I have probably said too much.  In this, as in everything else, I think I have to let go of the idea of finding a balance. 
I hope we can start over, try this again, reevaluate.  I want this to work out, want to feel as comfortable and happy as I did when I hired her in May, before her son's problems really went downhill.  But am I stretching too much? Hoping for too much?  Its a relationship as much as an employment situation.  So we will see how this week goes.
I am so tired.  I spent most of the weekend wrestling with what I was going to say to her and trying to figure out the framework for my concerns (its not easy to tell another mother you are not confident in her judgment about supervisions or discipline!).  It was a fairly emotionally stressful morning (coupled with a VERY wierd meeting on campus today).  But I have work to do (after not getting anything done this morning).... and miles to go before I sleep...